Her feelings, the facts, her fall and the future. You’re dead right this girls’ got more than just style, in her killer white kicks and denim coveralls and YES, Eve Special is every inch the quintessential LA DJ, but this woman has real power. The power of authenticity this atomic blonde’s story is testament to the old adage “still waters run deep” in a world of polished Insta lives, it takes real guts to stand up and say it as it is. Live your truth. How many of us are brave enough to take the mic and announce what’s really going on? Maybe in 2017 thats the definition of cool. Someone who is truly keeping it real.
Q: How would you describe yourself? Tell me about yourself.
An anti-social extrovert, green eyes, white hair, lover of fast cars, little sister, big time napper, probably takes life too seriously, first on the dance floor. Full of passion, no patience, late adopter of trends, savant at tetris, sensitive. ambitious. moody. poor at math. good on skis. happiest behind the dj decks.
Q: What are your dreams?
I dream of standing on my own two feet and looking at what I’ve built and seeing that it has improved the life of other people in some way, that I’ve contributed to making someone else happier and healthier. I spend so much time in my own head I want to shift the focus to doing what I can in my small way to improve someone else’s circumstance. Oh! And to save up so I can afford a De Tomaso Pantera.
Q: What are you passionate about?
Music, always and forever music… I have a deeper and closer connection to music than I do to any one person. Also, fine-tuning my relationship with my body, learning ways to strengthen, lengthen and nourish it properly and not punish myself by piling on it with bad food or poor sleep or partying. I’m passionate about better serving my body and mind. Also finding my way back to people who Ive loved for many years but have been away
from for the past decade while living in Tokyo, Germany, Canada, Hong Kong and Los Angeles… I’m falling in love with my friends and parents all over again and it’s really special to me to rediscover these people and who they’ve become after almost a decade of being apart from them.
Q: What are you most looking forward to this year and in life for that matter?
Oh man… more on this later, but this year has definitely been my most challenging to date. 2017 has brought on some really dark moments and a lot of things that I thought were guaranteed were pulled out from under me like a rug. What a lot of people don’t know is that I’ve spent most of this past year in tears, overwhelmed with feeling of gross inadequacy, doubt and fear.
I think cause of social media it’s easy to present a rosy-hued version of your experience that is generally the most positive, exciting, successful. But in reality 2017 has been a bit of a beat-down for me… one thing going wrong after another, just pow pow pow! Being smacked in the fucking face by the universe. This next year I’m most looking forward to re-building, growing and learning. What I’m most looking forward to this next year is starting fresh with the clean slate that I have now, which is a gift.
I’ve slowly come to terms with all the changes that have happened, while they are hard to go through, are actually a blessing… to be able to start fresh and ask myself what I REALLY want to do for the next 10-20-30 years of my life without being bound right now to anything or anyone. This year is becoming a year of growth, ugh, I know, but hear me out… I’m expanding my knowledge by going back to school for my certification in fitness and also music production. I am excited to switch my brain into learning mode again and then expand my life and careers into bigger and better things. Also I’m looking forward to falling in love again at some point… finding my partner and building a life together, loving and letting myself be loved.
Q: Did the pressure or perception of pressure social media presents in life, add another dimension to dealing with the issues/anxiety you were already processing and how did you combat this?
Interestingly… I would actually have to say no, not really. I have had a pretty healthy relationship with social media, I don’t find that it causes me too much undue stress. I think this is because I am very comfortable taking breaks from it when i feel like it’s making me worse about myself… recently I had a month hiatus from instagram because i didn’t like seeing my long distance boyfriend at the time hanging out with his ex-girlfriend… it didn’t make me feel good so I deleted the app from my device and re-downloaded it only when I was feeling secure again.
Generally the only times I have had issues with it is in a romantic sense, I hate social media when i’m dating someone, the jealousy element can come into play when you’re reading into comments another girl has made on your boyfriend’s pics or vis-versa. Then i think it can be incredibly damaging and cause more heartache than is necessary.
Q: Do you have any advice for people negotiating their way through the social media jungle?
Don’t be afraid to log off or switch off if it is causing you grief. Technology isn’t going anywhere and it will be there waiting for you when you want to come back to it. Additionally if we spend our whole lives documenting our experiences we run the risk of not really being present in the experience.
Q: If you could sit down for a face to face chat with the younger you from 5 years ago, what would you say?
You’re doing good, kid. Also, stop eating gluten, it’s fucking your shit up.
Q: What is the biggest challenge you feel you have to overcome in life?
Ahh, here we go… I’ve always been a very sensitive and emotional creature, which has caused me some problems. During episodes of particularly low moods I’ve managed to get through with the help of a wonderful therapist/coach of sorts who has been working with me on and off for about 4 years. Plus meditation, diet and exercise. I recognize that have I a lot of amazing fortune in my life, I got dealt a REALLY lucky hand, but no matter how great my career is, how loving my family and friends are, I still can be susceptible to feeling like there is absolutely no point in going on. I’ve felt incredibly guilty about that for years… It’s like, “I have all these blessings so why am i so goddamn sad?”. I hit emotional rock bottom very early in the year… I was a shell. I had lost my passion, my drive, i was miserable in Los Angeles… really lonely. I was making some bad choices to run from my problems and avoid dealing with how unhappy I was and then BANG! The universe decided enough was enough and pulled the rug from under me, flipping my whole life upside down. I was unexpectedly released from my contract with my agency with no explanation and subsequently lost my US visa which I had just paid for. I didn’t know if my career was over, I had no way to earn an income so I had to make a the rapid decision to abandon the life I’d built in LA for the past 4 years. I got rid of my apartment, sold my stuff and shipped everything else, all alone. I flew home to Sydney and was so depressed and overwhelmed with the feeling that I had “failed”. My one saving grace was that I’d finally found love this year, but my boyfriend (still based back in LA) and I lasted just one month long-distance before he went back to his ex-girlfriend. I was heartbroken. What’s been my driving force is my sense of self-preservation, I’ve learnt through meditation that negative thoughts and emotions don’t control me. In a world that is so focussed on always presenting your best self via social media and such, I assumed everyone would think less of me if they found out what I was going through this year. I wanted my struggles to remain secret. I thought that people would think I was “weak” if they saw my vulnerability and that I was going through a tough time…. that I was sad. Then I realised I have like 99 other attributes that make me worth their time. My challenge has always been to stop judging myself for it and accept it.
In yoga, a common lesson is when you have a negative thought or a physical discomfort, ask yourself to feel the opposite. What if I stop fighting the pain and lean into it, observe it and ask “how can this work in my favour? How can I grow through my experience?” I think my awareness and sensitivity are now my strongest assets, it’s about flipping a negative into a positive. I decided to try to stop controlling everything and instead do what flows nicely for me, and listening to what my heart actually wants by slowing down and quieting the noise in my head. It may sound trite, but self-care has been the antidote to these challenges.
Q: Did keeping your pain, vulnerability and struggle a secret keep
you safe or did it just add to a feeling of isolation?
I think i believed it kept me safe. There is still a stigma attached to appearing vulnerable or sensitive … you can be perceived as weak or less capable. Which is a massive problem in society that prevents a lot of us from opening up about our struggles or issues. This in turn prevents us from finding solace in a support network. Also a lot of these issue are very common, so by verbalizing them it allows us to grow together, and find resources that help combat or manage them.
Q: How does working as a model make you feel?
To be honest working as a model can be the funnest job in world but it really does come with a lot of baggage. There is constant critiquing and judgement so it is hard not to let that penetrate and define your sense of self. In saying that, its something that has brought me a lot of joy… I’ve met amazing people, traveled a whole bunch and had the best adventures throughout my twenties because modelling afforded me that. It’s thickened my skin and taught me that I’m stronger and tougher than I ever thought. But it’s a dangerous slope, because it’s easy to lose sight of things that really matter when the focus is on your appearance all the time, not on your intellect or passions. There has to be a balance.
Q: Do you consider yourself beautiful?
I’m pretty hard on myself, I have some difficulty finding things about myself that I like or
love… so no, probably not. I see a lot of beauty around me but for some reason I’m really judgmental of myself. I think the work I’m doing right now to improve my moods and outlook will help with also improving my sense of self worth and I’ll start to see myself in a more positive light. I’m a self-critical person, which I find to be ugly because it can lead to self-sabotage. I’m also a grown ass woman, no excuses, it’s down to me and me alone to face who I am to get right with myself, because if I can be a happy person, I don’t think there’s any stopping me.
Q: What wonderful things did a career in modelling bring into your life?
Oh definitely the people I have met, and the travel. I LOVE living overseas, Tokyo was by far my favourite city. There are some girls who I’ve lived with in model apartments around Asia and Europe who are like sisters to me, living in each other’s pockets 24/7, supporting each other and becoming each other’s family when you’re both so far from home… these are the girls I never would have otherwise met who have had a massively positive impact on me. Modelling also encouraged me to stay accountable for my body and mind. You won’t survive modelling if you aren’t looking after yourself so it kind of facilitated a level of self care I might not have otherwise tapped into. I’m really grateful for that.